Those handful of hair strands clinging to my pillow and those that were scattered around the floor clearly conveys my circumstance.
The day I was diagnosed with cancer was the most terrifying moment of my life. I thought I was going to die and I cried like a child. My thoughts, my heart, my whole being is filled with grief and remorse. Deep inside I was wasting away although I looked strong on the outside. I felt hopeless when I thought about the coming years when I can no longer fulfill my dreams. I prayed to God because I am so helpless that depression is starting to succumb me.
Few days passed. Lots of medical tests were done and I undergone two surgeries. The final verdict is a good prognosis, that my condition is treatable. However, I have to undergo a series of costly treatments, I have to endure those needles that must be injected through my veins and the agony of having my blood extracted from time to time (I have a blood phobia, so this is torture for me).
This is good news, but I felt ashamed of myself because I knew my faith waivered thinking I was going to die. I knew I had doubts if God will actually hand me over to death. In repentance and reverence I prayed and asked God for forgiveness as I praised His name for giving me another chance to live.
I am used to changes but what happened to me is a great deal. It's hard and irreversible. I knew that from then on I will never be the same again.
At first I was reluctant to let everyone know about my illness. I don't want to become a subject of pity. I don't want everyone to know that I'm sick and fighting for my life, that the high and mighty prideful me is now frail and in need of help. You see, I'm a highly independent individual and depending on others is a sign of weakness to me. But the ways of the Lord revealed to me a humbling experience. God shows Himself in an incredible way. "Tell the whole world that you are deadly sick so that you can also tell them how I can heal you and make you better than you used to be." His words turned my fear into divine courage. This is God's battle not mine.
My human mind tells me yes I am not the same as before and it's worse. The mind of Jesus contradicts it by telling me that yes I am not the same anymore but it's for the better version of me. He will turn my ordinary life into an extraordinary life of faith, hope and love because His blood changed me.
Change. . . It will make you feel anxious and out of control. But when this change is something that will help you grow to become more like Jesus, then it will be the most wonderful change in your life. A godly change. . . this change is happening to me now and I'm not the same anymore.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NLT "That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
The day I was diagnosed with cancer was the most terrifying moment of my life. I thought I was going to die and I cried like a child. My thoughts, my heart, my whole being is filled with grief and remorse. Deep inside I was wasting away although I looked strong on the outside. I felt hopeless when I thought about the coming years when I can no longer fulfill my dreams. I prayed to God because I am so helpless that depression is starting to succumb me.
Few days passed. Lots of medical tests were done and I undergone two surgeries. The final verdict is a good prognosis, that my condition is treatable. However, I have to undergo a series of costly treatments, I have to endure those needles that must be injected through my veins and the agony of having my blood extracted from time to time (I have a blood phobia, so this is torture for me).
This is good news, but I felt ashamed of myself because I knew my faith waivered thinking I was going to die. I knew I had doubts if God will actually hand me over to death. In repentance and reverence I prayed and asked God for forgiveness as I praised His name for giving me another chance to live.
I am used to changes but what happened to me is a great deal. It's hard and irreversible. I knew that from then on I will never be the same again.
At first I was reluctant to let everyone know about my illness. I don't want to become a subject of pity. I don't want everyone to know that I'm sick and fighting for my life, that the high and mighty prideful me is now frail and in need of help. You see, I'm a highly independent individual and depending on others is a sign of weakness to me. But the ways of the Lord revealed to me a humbling experience. God shows Himself in an incredible way. "Tell the whole world that you are deadly sick so that you can also tell them how I can heal you and make you better than you used to be." His words turned my fear into divine courage. This is God's battle not mine.
My human mind tells me yes I am not the same as before and it's worse. The mind of Jesus contradicts it by telling me that yes I am not the same anymore but it's for the better version of me. He will turn my ordinary life into an extraordinary life of faith, hope and love because His blood changed me.
Change. . . It will make you feel anxious and out of control. But when this change is something that will help you grow to become more like Jesus, then it will be the most wonderful change in your life. A godly change. . . this change is happening to me now and I'm not the same anymore.
2 Corinthians 4:16-18 NLT "That is why we never give up. Though our bodies are dying, our spirits are being renewed every day. For our present troubles are small and won't last very long. Yet they produce for us a glory that vastly outweighs them and will last forever! So we don't look at the troubles we can see now; rather, we fix our gaze on things that cannot be seen. For the things we see now will soon be gone, but the things we cannot see will last forever."
